Hide your feminine products and bring along a flea collar because we are sinking our teeth into the Twilight franchise.

Stats

Twilight
Director: Catherine Hardwicke
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay), Stephenie Meyer (novel)
Released: November 2008
Budget: $37,000,000
Worldwide Gross: $421,667,219
Cast: Kristen Stewart, Robert Pattinson, Billy Burke, Taylor Lautner

New Moon
Director: Chris Weitz
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay)
Released: November 2009
Budget: $50,000,000
Worldwide Gross: $724,256,885

Eclipse
Director: David Slade
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay)
Released: July 2010
Budget: $68,000,000
Worldwide Gross: $698,491,347

Breaking Dawn Part 1
Director: Bill Condon
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay)
Released: November 2011
Budget: $110,000,000
Worldwide Gross: $712,205,856

Breaking Dawn Part 2
Director: Bill Condon
Writers: Melissa Rosenberg (screenplay)
Released: November 2012
Budget: $120,000,000
Worldwide Gross: $829,746,820

Breakdown and Analysis

  • The franchise wasn’t the most gripping but what it did well was just focus on Bella and Edward. They didn’t try to cram everything in the first movie. We were slowly introduced to other storylines as the franchise expanded. Get us to care about your characters and then immerse in the world.
  • The first film, Twilight, felt most true to the books. New Moon was warm and pleasant as we spent more time with Jacob. Breaking Dawn was the instagram of movies.
  • Bella was annoying in the book. Learn how to be alone, girl! She didn’t offer anything. In way of interest, conversation or being. She was KT’s entryway into a world of fantasy. Oti didn’t understand the moan speak. Parseltongue for moans.
  • Vampires are always portrayed as sexy and Twilight is no different, just in a PG Mormon friendly way.
  • In a world of vampires and werewolves, a baby is the least controversial gossip talk.
  • Alice does everything to the best of her abilities. There is no malicious bone in her body. Her being gifted gave her a seat at the table.
  • It was tragic what happened to Rosalie but it did lean too long on her being a bitch for no reason. A common trope is having someone so jaded and we find out later why.
  • Carlisle had a very interesting backstory. He has been through some shit. It would have been more interesting to focus on him but as we acknowledge, for the audience it was more about Edward and Bella.
  • Esme did not fight for shit. We are led to believe they are vampires and they are strong. Esme looked like she could not protect herself.
  • CG ultimate big daddy wolves could definitely climb trees.
  • Jasper went through a brutal time with Maria. Not only does he need to constantly train and get rid of newborns, but also feel what they were experiencing at the point of death is unspoken pain we will never understand. He was the only that was able to use his powers and Bella was not immune to him. Weird how the Volturi weren’t seeking him out.
  • Just like when you watch a talent show, there is always a sob story.
  • Oti is a hater and does not deserve Emmett. He is not dweeby. He was the comic relief and when you are dealing with Bella writhing in pain or pleasure or both, it was nice to have Emmett.
  • Charlie is the model father. Planted in a situation where Bella had been with the mother for so long. Charlie is the dad in a narrative where he is trying his best. He will never say I love you but will show it in different ways. The Daddy swan of all.
  • Victoria lasted too long in the series. The Volturi were interesting on their own so Victoria was no longer needed.
  • Edward has met shields before but also Bella is the first being he cannot read. That poses the question, do humans have abilities before becoming a vampire. Bella had the shield ability before becoming a vampire. To this we can theorise that humans can have dormant/unconscious abilities that become super exemplified if you were to become supernatural.
  • It is understandable that Jacob was immature especially in contrast to Edward who has lived for over a century. Jacob was very likable in the book. He was the sun and had a lot of love and warmth. KT feels Taylor did not do well in the role. Like kids that can sing but don’t know what they are singing about. Trying to exude some emotions that you haven’t experienced. If Jacob was casted as being older or at least not looking as immature next to Robert.
  • Robert Pattinson playing an old man was very on brand. Kirsten Stewart did well as the parselmoan lady.
  • Colin Firth can play Jacob. Colin Firth can play Bella. Colin Firth can play KT’s ass.
  • Imprinting is essentially tethering without the sexy tentacles.
  • There are still unanswered questions about Imprinting and how it happened on someone that isn’t Quileute. Quil also imprinted on a child. That is some complexity we are not getting into today. The point is, if it is not your story don’t fucking tell it.
  • It must have been hard for Leah to have Sam being taken away by imprinting on Leah. And with the wolves sharing thoughts.
  • On the surface, don’t dig because the lore in Twilight becomes a problem.
  • Jacob was a much less effective Varys from Game of Thrones. The way he would go back and forth between the two camps. He was the cause for it all.
  • We draw parallels between the Volturi and the Vatican. Oti is still waiting for a Papa Cullen backstory. Particularly interesting in the 3 Grandpapa Vampires. Move Edward and Bella out of the way.
  • After letting this franchise settle for a bit, KT came to find Edward so fucking miserable. Everything was an internal conflict for him. He didn’t want Bella to be a vampire but she stumbled across problems because of that. He didn’t want to have sex with her. The most fun thing you could do as a vampire is have sex with a human. Every single step of the relationship was so painful. Bella wasn’t the best person to be around and maybe that’s why. He had more qualm than the For Your Reference household. Having lived over a century, how is the most angst from a teenage love?
  • Kirsten Stewart and Robert Pattinson look like they don’t belong in a tropical climate.
  • The ending was a bad cop out. As bad as Tracy and Bruce Cop Out.

Unrelated but vital points

  • Oti, president of the Laurent Hive.
  • We hope you enjoyed this Edi Gathegi joint.
  • People were excited for Twilight in Kenya, it made ripples according to Oti.
  • More FYR Merch ideas: Printed to Publish. Marble Sperms that shoot out. Swench Daddy. ParselMoan.
  • KT standing on the corner getting her Twilight fix outside of church.
  • Oti is the last billing on our podcast, even after our dog.
  • We tried to rewatch The Last Airbender and could not continue after watching a whole group move a small rock.
  • Don’t call it Lore if it’s the lyrics to an Imagine Dragons song.
  • Oti would do well in a horror movie.
  • KT frequented Twilight and Criminal Minds forums. Oti was on forums we cannot talk about.
  • Please express your interest in Swench (Swahili-French) language classes with Oti.
  • When Oti proposed a threesome KT was hoping for a more exciting combination.
  • If you are a plain person writing a book, you can make the most strapping and mythical of beasts fall in love with you.
  • Not watching the cinematic masterpiece of The Covenant is a cardinal sin in the For Your Reference household.
  • Rising of the Shield Hero anime reference.
  • Michael Sheen plays Wesley Snipes in every role he gets.
  • Oti again refuses to apologise to Jamie Campbell Bower for his role in Camelot.
  • A kind reminder not to besmirch Merlin around Oti.

For Your Reference

Oti

The Vampire Diaries  | TV Series (2009–2017) 43min | Drama, Fantasy, Horror | TV Series (2009–2017) Summary: The lives, loves, dangers and disasters in the town, Mystic Falls, Virginia. Creatures of unspeakable horror lurk beneath this town as a teenage girl is suddenly torn between two vampire brothers.
Countries: USALanguages: English

KT

Sleepy Hollow  | TV Series (2013–2017) 45min | Action, Adventure, Crime | TV Series (2013–2017) Summary: Ichabod Crane is resurrected and pulled two and a half centuries through time to unravel a mystery that dates all the way back to the founding fathers.
Countries: USALanguages: English, German, Greek, Latin
American Gods  | TV Series (2017– ) 1h | Drama, Fantasy, Mystery | TV Series (2017– ) Summary: A recently released ex-convict named Shadow meets a mysterious man who calls himself "Wednesday" and who knows more than he first seems to about Shadow's life and past.
Countries: USALanguages: English